Random texts post

[inthesaferoom]

JESUS HOT SAUCE CHRISTMAS CAKE

The end.

Comments

[ratmanreed]

Asshole over here pretending he can’t read shit. I see how it just

NOT ADORABLE I am not adorabling. There is no out adorabling a kitten

hhhhshshsfa

Who is htat. CAT. NOT MY CAT who is yhras

Those are my boots though those are deifnitely my boots and b y that I mean yes please

Mike back on one particular nonsense

[inthesaferoom]

Sure am, because it's like pulling pigtails in grade school. Kind of like I'm a DIPSHIT, huh?

Sorry but I have the kitten right here and I know who's being cuter. You, full stop. Kitten agrees. You going to argue with a baby? Maybe I better not knock you up if you do that.

I didn't send a picture of the kitten though so what are you talking about.

[ He definitely hasn't looked in the background of his own photo. Or turned around. ]

Gavin indulging the nonsense

[ratmanreed]

Kitten is saying NO SUCH THING you don’t understand the language yet. EVERY CAT. DIFFERENT LANGUAGE

Going to teach our child to call you daddy dipshit yeah that’s what’s going to happen here

THERE IS A CAT. BEHIND YOU

Looks like Banana but more murderous. Banana would never murder. I SPEAK BANANA’S LANGUAGE

[inthesaferoom]

Okay but I understand what she thinks in her soul. By looking into her eyes. Her eyes are like mine so they sing your praises. You gonna tell me I don't?

Here she is. I don't understand what the previous guy did to her fur. We're not doing it again. Poor baby.

Wait what the fuck it is a cat where the FUCK

[ratmanreed]

WHY would she sing my praises. Hasn’t met me doesn’t know me. Could hate me. Like Bastard. Little Bastard

Oh I see. So you went out and got me a cat. From some random guy who’s a freak and gives cats haircuts. BROUGHT HOME 2 CATS

Is that what it is. Is that what happened. Did you get me 2 cats, Mike

[inthesaferoom]

We don't talk about Bastard and his bad taste, thanks. Only good vibes here

I uh

I guess I did should I

Change and leave the outfit for later

Because too many cats

[ratmanreed]

NO

Don’t change never change

Thought you said there could never be too many cats

I love you doubly more if you did get me two cats

You tell anyone I said that I’ll strangle you ertctt tetctcttect

[inthesaferoom]

You don't get it uhh you'll get it when you see it but I'm being very careful right now not to RUIN THE OUTFIT, I guess?

But I'll leave it. I WARNED YOU THOUGH

I definitely got you two cats I'm not throwing this one out. I think he or she could cut my throat so efficiently nobody would know who did it. Clean crime scene and shit. Look I'm not checking gender you can do it this killer is all yours

But I changed my mind it's not too many cats because I get double love and all for me nobody else

[ratmanreed]

Stop making me ImAGINE THINGS

No that’s bullshit you’re allowed. I wanna keep imagining you dressed up all sexy

Yes DOUBLE LOVE ALL FOR YOU greedy little fucker but that’s the way I like it OK

[inthesaferoom]

What are you imagining huh. Tell me a little. If it's not right I'll just make it come true another time.

I remember everything you tell me you know. Everything.

Let's say the outfit has a theme though. A lot of it is

Hmm

Intentionally delicate

Don't care if I'm greedy I'll be thinking about how to make it triple love next. Sorry, you're doomed 🌈 🥰 ✨

[ratmanreed]

If I told you what I was imagining I would have to kill you probably. EMBARRASSING

Also what if you think I’m weird no you’d definitely think I’m weird CAN’T HAVE THAT

““““Intentionally delicate”” isn’t helping in faCt it’s just making me harder fucmski

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE GREEDy it’s hot like unbelievably hot OK 8’? Ofinf to stop typing now

[inthesaferoom]

ARE YOU GOING TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT THESE CATS FIRST OR SHOULD I

???

like the kitten is separate by now no problem. But the serial killer stray would probably need to be behind a door?

Can't have him her or whatever I'm open to their true identity but can't have them preventing you from showing how you're definitely not weird.

Because it's not or if it is I'm weird too.

Because you know my favorite part of the day? When you come home all tired with wrinkles in your clothes and you're mine only for awhile

[ratmanreed]

Can focus on some cats, Mike. Can keep my eyes off you for a whole three seconds. I can do that

[ Can he? Can he? ]

The serial killer might need to be in another room yeah like that stare. That stare, man. Gonna give Bastard a run for his money

You’re. Why. CUTE. Cucking. FUCJING

Just wanna rip your clothes off and kiss you and lay in your lap or you lay in MY lap and I pet our new cats and lick you NOT IN THAT ORDER

I’m yours though. You know that

[ ...Mike knows that, right? ]

[inthesaferoom]

I believe three whole seconds. I don't believe past that. Don't want you to make me a believer either.

They're either going to be nemesises or close in ways we don't like and makes us not want to sleep

You don't know how close you got to the surprise with that yet. But GOOD

I know but it's nice to hear. Can't beat the giddy warm fuzzy feelings you bring me without knowing

I'm yours too like you're going to find out today I can be a little bitch boy too

[ratmanreed]

Why are you like this. And by why are you like this I mean why do you talk to me like this why do you ACT like this

[ The tone? Rancid and angry. Between the lines? Sappy and happy. ]

I’ll figure out that surprise I GET TO SEE IT even if it kills me

Good. You’re my little bitch boy you’re my . lots of things. Lots of fucking thinfs

[ Husband. Fiance.

No, Gavin fucked those up right proper. But he can dream. ]

[inthesaferoom]

Because you deserve to feel my love and lust I'm not holding anything back.

Let's say the surprise is pretty revealing. Only you get to see it thank you very much.

Okay but what other things. Because all I want is one single thing to be:

Yours

[ratmanreed]

Are you trying to kill me. Is that what this is. Haven&t even SEEN what you’re wearing except BOOTS and I’m already. Djsjjdf

Is this a murder attempt Mike is that what this is. Because I’m not gonna fucking lie. If someone were gonna do it it’d have to be you. Obviously. Murdered by sjdkmcnc sexy

You are mine. And I’m yours. Don’t need to keep saying that, do I

[ Not that Gavin would stop, not if Mike wanted to hear it, but... like with most things of this nature, he worries it might mean less the more he says it. As if one day Mike might hear all the sappy “I love you”s and shrug them off. ]

[inthesaferoom]

Not trying to kill you. I need you around and frankly I'm terrified of what kind of ghost you'd be.

Don't need to say it but it feels great to repeat. So what not? It doesn't cheapen it. Never. It'll be just as great when I'm 90 or something. Maybe better. Because then we'll have decades of it.

So yeah the one thing I'll be sure of when I'm old or whatever is you.

[ratmanreed]

Gonna be a badass ghost. Just you wait.

Wait like a long time though. Long long time.

Stop being sweet I might actually die. I’ll hold you to that??? It not being fucking annoying when we’re old AF??? You’ll get sick of me before you get old tho. Or you’ll murder me idk one of the two

Making my stomach feel all WEIRD what aarre you even saying

Remind me when I get home. I wanna talk about something. Or after I fuck you probably seeing as how you’RE ALL DRESZED UP

[ Mike being all sappy keeps making Gavin think about marriage again. Oops. He’s had it on the brain, admittedly, ever since Mike first... mentioned it. Hypothetically.

And maybe Gavin won’t have another chance at that — he couldn’t blame Mike — but he doesn’t want him throwing away that hypothetical ring. ]

[inthesaferoom]

Yeah it better be a long time. We have lots to do together. You ain't getting out of any of it. If I have to talk to your ghost while hauling you around like I'm playing at fucking Weekend at Bernie's, that's what's going to happen. Even if you're badass

Got butterflies? Good. Love that for the both of us.

But uh

Don't love the most terrifying words ever uttered, though. Talk about what omg come on what did I do I can fix it I swear

[ratmanreed]

[ Gavin wants to be contrary about the whole butterflies thing too, but goddamn if Mike isn’t right. ]

It’s not bad. The thing I want to talk about. THINGS.

I was just thinking. And I want to help you understand me more. Try? KEY WORD HERE

Why I do the things I do sometimes.... I wanted to explain. How you can get me to freak out less.

[ Not that he expects Mike to have the patience to work around his bullshit, but the least Gavin can do is try to explain. ]

NOT YOUR JOB I just want you to understand......... Me

[ Words he’s never really said to anyone. ]

Don’t like when we fight and I know it’ssvsdbd UNAVOIDAble but the least I can do is . Explain

[inthesaferoom]

It's not a JOB but kinda my self declared position. To try to help you feel great as much as possible. Sex isn't the only shit that can do that. Not supposed to be anyway

So yeah obviously I want to hear anything and everything. If I'm not getting something I want to

When'll you be home though, like I'll send more clues if I have to so you'll get inspired to hurry the fuck up.

Hmmm I'm kinda cold huh, need your warmth to really survive

[ratmanreed]

Not about making me feel greatdhjsg ABOUT…….. Both of us. Come on. I’m not that selfish. Not with you

[ Or he’s trying not to be. For once in his life. ]

If you send more clues maybe I’ll come home sooner I dUNNO or maybe I’ll have to actually do my job and I’ll die

Not because of my job but because I want to be home I mena. Death

Cold, huh. Real cold I bet. Could warm you up real good NHWAT killing me here

[inthesaferoom]

Didn't say you were selfish, babe. Said I want to make you happy. That makes me happy. But yeah I get it which is why I want to hear

To hell with work. Almost said screw it but that's for me. All for me you better do that later btw. Want everything which means the good the bad the ugly, the platonic love and the hella kinks.

And I mean that by the way. Cuddling the hell out of you too, why did you make me want stuff like this???? I can't even say ew anymore. It's just good.

But you better warm me up. With your dick right. Hot 🔥

[ratmanreed]

It’s gotta be a reciprocal thing here. Can’t just make me happy then you’re happy. I have to do shit for you too.

You’re cute but there’s gonna be too ugly one day. You know that right. Gonna push you too far

[ It feels, admittedly, like they’ve got close an unfortunate number of times. Which scares Gavin. Makes him want to talk through shit.

Soon. ]

Funny thing there, I guess. Part of me has always liked some of the sappy shit, but. You just. You make me feel like it’s okay to want that. Like it’s okay to SAY that. Ask for that. Even when it’s really embarrassing and I try NOT to. EMBARRASIDNGIG

PAINFUL TYPING THAT but with you I know it’s oK. At the end of the day. It’s OK. You’re there for me to come home to